ic contact post

[countdone]

Comments

text - misfire

[airshow]

[ attached: whatever this is ]

u + me tonight how about it

[countdone]

[He has so many questions. This is weird even for James.]

........doing what

[airshow]

playing Hungry Hungry Hippos if you catch my meaning

[countdone]

Are you drunk?

[airshow]

I am DRINKING
not drunk

there's also strip Candy Land if that's more your speed

[countdone]

[...Oh god why did this have to happen.]

Do you by any chance have "Hartley" and "Harley" next to each other in your phone?

[airshow]

[ 75 SECONDS LATER ]

well gee I sure am glad I didn't send nudes now

[countdone]

...Yeah.

So maybe, just maybe, you should change my name in there to "Piper" so this doesn't happen again? I would really like this to not happen again.

[And now he can't help but immediately worry that James is gonna get all weird on him again. To compensate or something. Great.]

[airshow]

actually you're in there as a rat emoji next to a saxophone emoji
it's adorable

[countdone]

Then how the hell did you manage to send this to me instead of her?!

[airshow]

maybe my phone is bicurious

[countdone]

Well, your phone can get its own dates next time.

[airshow]

what if it was trying to Parent Trap us?

[countdone]

Yes, very funny, James.

Don't you have someone else to be talking to right now?

[airshow]

I TOTALLY DID but you seem to have unceremoniously murdered my boner
so here we are

at step 1.5 of a romcom

[countdone]

Romcoms generally don't feature a gay guy and his straight best friend.

[Unless you're looking for like, indie gay films and the straight guy isn't actually straight but of course that's not applicable here in any way.]

[airshow]

they also don't usually feature rogues and possessed phones!
there's a first time for everything!
don't be so closed-minded!

p.s. I'm saving this conversation forever because you admitted that I'm your BEST FRIEND

[ a series of incoherent emojis: party hat, party hat, party hat, sparkle, alligator, corn cob, heart ]

[countdone]

And now I already regret saying that.

Look, I know that it's literally impossible for you to stop being an obnoxious asshole, but you're getting pretty close to crossing a line here.

[airshow]

[ well now he's just Confused and a little bit annoyed. ]

seriously?
what did I do THIS time?

[countdone]

You might be able to joke like that but I can't. Because the second I do it'll be like I'm hitting on you and you won't like it anymore. With a lot of straight guys, it means you won't like me anymore.

But if I don't play along then I'm just being a fun ruiner, right? Touchy gay man can't take a joke! Even if the joke starts to turn into the very idea of someone being gay being hilarious.

[airshow]

[ There's a very

long

pause

while he finishes this wine cooler. ]

Well NOW you're being a fun ruiner.
See, it's funny because I'm 10000% not your type.
I really hate it when I have to explain the punchline, but That Is The Joke.

[countdone]

Do you even know what my type is?

[That was a really, really obvious attempt to deflect, James.]

[airshow]

[ Deflecting is what he's good at! Deflecting and distractions! ]

Tall, dark, and handsome?
Now, two out of three ain't bad, but I'm sure you have some objections to my winning personality.

[countdone]

[UGGGGGGGGGGGGGH this is so frustrating.]

Look, regardless...you're missing the point. And you KNOW it.

[airshow]

HA. So I got it right.
Is the point "stop flirting with me because I hate fun"?